Remember the days when R&B was about smooth beats, bumpin’ and grindin’ in the club and havin’ some fun at the “freakin’ weekend”?
Yeah, me too.
It seems like everyone has gone fucking mental for this dirty bit bullshit and dropping the bass, I would start a petition proposing that synths and autotune should be outright banned but then we wouldn’t have great music like this:
(notice how none of them have autotune? Yeah, suck on that)
So here is a message to all people who who claim they’re current R&B artists -
STOP IT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, YOU SOUND LIKE TWATS, PLEASE STOP, I BEG YOU, REMEMBER SUBTLETY? YEAH DO THAT, WHAT YOU’RE DOING IS NOT R&B AND YOU’RE BRAINWASHING THE GENERATION.
Anyway, seeing as I don’t have much of a voice in the music industry, I decided not to dwell on the fact that R&B has been ruined… FOR EVERYONE.
Therefore, I have decided to create a collaborative Spotify playlist of early 00’s bumpin’ and grindin’ hits that got the beat to make your booty go *smack*, click here to see the list, subscribe and add your own.
Well, 2011 hasn’t been particularly great for music, I’ve seen more pretentiousness than I have real music, moaning aside there have been some absolute gems and there have been many releases from my favourite musicians *jumps in the air* and we’re about the love, right?
This was extremely hard for me to put in order because I love these records so damn much.
15. Craft Spells - Idle Labor
14. Dad Rocks! - Mount Modern
13. Summer Camp - Welcome To Condale
(I’d just like to add how similar this sounds to ‘Footloose’)
12. Those Darlins - Screws Get Loose
11. COOLRUNNINGS - Dracula Is The Only Beginning
10. Ezra Furman & The Harpoons - Mysterious Power
9. Royal Bangs - Flux Outside
8. Dawes - Nothing Is Wrong
7. Jonny Corndawg - Down On The Bikini Line
6. Fair Ohs - Everything Is Dancing
5. Slow Club - Paradise
4. Middle Brother - Middle Brother
3. Cass McCombs - WITS END
2. Deer Tick - Divine Providence
1. tUnE-yArDs - W H O K I L L
I apologise for the lack of posts recently, I promise this will be improved (somewhat) and don’t forget if you want to contribute, go crazy!
Okay, so 2011 has brought on several things, due to the lack of interesting music being released (yes, there were some gems) I turned to the world of television, by ‘turning to the world of television’ I mean watching around 3 series.
Now, I have always abhorred reality television on the grounds that “it is for brainless cunts” and after attempting to watch some of the tripe they show on ITV I firmly stick by my statement, in SOME cases.
However, if you know me (or follow me on twitter) you’ll know I have some sort of weakness for Three 6 Mafia and Co, this is probably most prevalent in the fact that ‘Pills, Weed & Pussy’ is my joint favourite song of 2011 (sharing the throne with ‘Chevy Beretta’ by Jonny Corndawg).
In fact, I don’t think I’ve heard a better song, ever. Okay maybe I have.
Anyway, I sought an epic, profound television journey and my vibe bro reminded me of ‘Adventures In Hollyhood’, previously, I had watched a couple clips on the YouTubes, mainly from the episode where Sugarfoot comes to visit and I decided to give the whole show a go and as you may have already expected, it was the best time I’ve ever had watching television.
So, as the sole aim of this blog is to provide you lovely readers with DAMNGOODSHIT, here is my next venture, I am going to recap and ‘review’ all eight episodes of ‘Adventures In Hollyhood’ complete with video links for you to join in with all the damn fun.
So let’s begin with an analysis of the introduction to the series:
Hallelujah, we suspect that there’s some crazy religious element to this with Father Houston’s cheesy intro, maybe he’s trying to indicate that Juicy J is a descendant of Jesus? Was Jesus all that Juicy? Can a human be Juicy? Can a prophet be Juicy? Who knows? All I know is that Jesus didn’t win a damn Oscar but THREE 6 MAFIA did!
I can imagine it being particularly hard out there for a pimp in these times as we’re rolling in economic depression but I don’t think that’s what the award-winning song is trying to say, on top of that, they’re the first African-American Rap group to do so and damn straight, they deserve it for being so “so hood, 30 inches on the Chevrolet”.
Going back to that whole ‘Juicy J is Jesus’ speculation I have going on: seeing as they’re as big as Elvis in Memphis and local heroes, perhaps they are cleansing Memphisians of their sins with their honest music about drugs and hoes (not the garden tool) and whatnot. I think I finally get it, Three 6 Mafia are claiming to commit these so-called sins so we don’t ‘get the blame’ and god won’t ‘blow up on our ass’.
But this brings up another question, if Jesus had made a Hollywood movie, would he be as big as the Triple 6 in these modern times? Or even have moved to Hollywood? If he did that shit then maybe people wouldn’t have hated Jews so much, they’ve done nothing wrong! No one’s done anything wrong, apart from Jesus, but I’m thankful to Jesus who lay out the eventual footsteps of THE WORLD’S GREATEST RAP DUO.
Anyway Jesus, we about to take a journey from the M-Town to HollyHOOD and Juicy J, DJ Paul, Project Pat, Computer and Big Triece will show you how it’s done.
Now, onto that theme song. We start out with the Juice’s ROUGH MACHO STYLE, I always had the impression that he was extremely muscly and layered with tattoos and piercings… how wrong could I have been? He’s a skinny little cutey pie, we’ll get trippy mane but it won’t require much to get you trippy (everybody awwww). “These country boys ‘bout to clown”, maybe they aren’t taking their road to ultimate mega mega mega mega celebrity stardom seriously, I mean, when you have a show with Ashton Kutcher’s production company, there’s no need to worry, right?
As DJ Paul refers to himself as “the King of Memphis”, this suggests that Memphis is heaven and DJ Paul is God, RAP RELIGION FINALLY MAKES SENSE GUYS.
N.B. DJ Paul is also the King of Barbecue rub, which one do you want to be associated with, mate?
I’m not so sure what other meaning “chasing dollars” could have so let’s stick with it literally.
I don’t think their homies get enough credit in the titles, after all, they are about to provide some laughs for us all *SPOILER TIME* like when Computer gets a colonic and Big Triece tries to act.
So, onto the actual show.
Juicy’s gettin’ all pumped up to go to La La Land and Paul’s like “dude, wot r u doin? I just wanna chill, I thought u wer the trippy 1 m8 :(“
He’s in such a pissy mood, even his face is blurred. Mate, you should be more excited to get down to Hollyhood! It seems that Paul is really pissed at Juicy before he even has a reason to be pissed because Juicy just reveals he wants to drive all the way to LA, oh Juicy you crazy fool. He wants to look good in his Rolls Royce and Paul’s like “bb, u out of ur mind” but they do anyway because they want people to know they are rich so they get mega movie deals, surely that would only prove they have the dollar to finance it? Oh Triple 6.
Then two little hired white kids who don’t even have Tennessee accents run up to the car to even out the ethnic ratio and everyone cracks some jokes and it’s all happy hoohah.
More Hollywood talk blah blah blah, referencing Paul Rosenberg blah blah blah…
IT’S TIME TO PICK UP THE HOMIES Y’ALL!!!
Computer “is about as useful with computers as I am with a space shuttle”, an insight into DJ Paul’s wit, he’s got some lines ready to roll out, oh just you wait.
Big Triece (left) and Computer (right) are numba ONE homies, (each weighing around 300 lbs) and they further piss Paul off when he finds out the trip is 2000 miles and they are LOLLING, bet he just wants to save the world y’know, feels bad for burning all that damn charcoal for his BBQ.
Then they all eat ribs with Juicy J’s Dad, Father Houston and bro/protege Project Pat (who is also around 300 lbs) and they are tryna send us subliminal messages to go and buy Paul’s rub and I’m life “mate, meat is okay but you can’t beat chickpeas”.
Basically there’s more bantz as he’s trying to give everyone life advice “dnt drnk n stay tru 2 ur hart etc etc”
The religious metaphor comes into play, he likens Hollywood to HELL *dun dun duuuun*
Don’t leave your safe haven behind, guys, there’s ribs!!!!
THEN WE REACH LA LA LAND.
There’s “tall ass trees” and the sudden desire to find a woman that looks like “Jennifer Lopez mixed with Salma Hayek”, I dunno about you devout Christian types but it surely sounds like heaven to the Triple 6 Boyz apart from the fact that they can’t see any black people!!!!
However, it seems to be that Mr. Kutcher wants us to believe Hollywood is the land of the MILF.
Then they arrive at the pad and Computer’s super stoked to see goldfish in the pond and it’s all great, I even bet they wanted to play hide and seek (or whatever you Americans call it).
Then Juicy discovers something……..
THERE’S NO STUDIO!
Troubles aside, they get a call from their manager Paul Rosenberg a.k.a. Roses and he basically tries to find an ambiguous enough way to tell Juicy that the landlord is a racist because he doesn’t like renting to rappers. Also, they were asked to do the theme song for Jackass 2.
TIME FOR PART 2!!!
Hello dear readers,
I’m looking into expanding DAMNGOODSHIT into a bi-annual zine and I’m going to need all the help I can get, I will start a crowdfunder pledge to pay for the printing as it will be entirely non-profit but you will get all the necessary credit AND published work.
Anyway, writers and artists (illustrators, photographers, comic artists etc) are NEEDED, even if you’re a rookie, if you’ve got an idea or spark it’s more than welcome to be pitched, even short stories and comic strips!
Also, musicians/artists/comedians/labels/whatever wishing to have their work featured in the zine should get in contact, we can schedule an interview.
If you live in Birmingham or surrounding areas it would be great to work directly with you on the zine, perhaps you can have a hand in co-editing?
If you live a bit too far away, ideas are obviously still welcome, I want to embrace DAMNGOODSHIT from everywhere.
Sounds like your cup of tea? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with ‘ZINE’ in the subject line and we can get jiggy widit (sorry).
Here’s a mix of ‘damngoodshit’ for y’all…
All For UxRJD2
All In Your HeadxThe Marked Men
Miss KxDeer Tick
Going Back To Dani (Notorious B.I.G. vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers)xVictor Menegaux
The Same ThingxCass McCombs
enid coleslawxKEEL HER
Dumbin’ feat. Reggie BxStar Slinger
Deer Tick - Main Street
You know what? I don’t even care for your opinion on this one, Deer Tick is one of my favourite bands ever and this performance of Main Street, taken from their forthcoming album, Divine Providence, on Letterman is excellent, really digging the brass section too, it’s a strange but step-by-step transition from the raw Black Dirt Sessions and it’s more folk-oriented predecessors.
What made me laugh is the antithesis (whether this was intentional, I do not know) of how clean-cut the band looked, especially with the tuxes but John, especially, fails to let his dress define him and they continue to emulate their rowdy, drunken, Replacements-esque stage aura, regardless of whether Bill Clinton was watching.
It’s still odd that I haven’t seen them live, every time I’ve been meaning to see them, something gets in the way, last year’s incident was a case of man flu (I know, I know).
Here’s to hoping for a promo tour that PASSES THROUGH BIRMINGHAM soon!
Dauwd - Ikopol
It’s 2011; an age of technological prominence and glitch-hop artists have been rolling hot off the press and we’ve seen some remarkable growth with electronica connoisseurs such as Gold Panda, Star Slinger, Seams and many others.
Serving up as a taster from his forthcoming 12”, Whats There, Dauwd is about to make his mark with Ikopol; a suave, delicate synth-infested dance delight of edgy clicks and light, stabbing samples…
I’m hungry for more.
Whats There will be released (on a limited run of 300 vinyls) mid-November on Pictures Music.
Dauwd will also be playing a show with Rudi Zygalo at the Macbeth in London next week, details of the event can be found here.
I’m at the stage where I fancy everything and everyone, I don’t know what triggered it but it ain’t pretty. So, as I develop more loves, the frame for my generic, ideal man has become a heck of a lot more specific and some criteria is extremely humorous.
I have decided to explore these for comedy’s sake and to highlight how ridiculous this ‘ideal man’ statement can be.
However, I would like to know what it is that makes a woman know the criteria for her ideal man, what is it that makes them ideal?
P.S.: if you are a male species and find you match any of the following criteria you better fucking run.
1) Must have a well-groomed beard
2) Must like cats
3) Must hate dogs
4) Must hate fish
5) Must have at least ‘high’ compatibility with me on last.fm (a penchant for american country blues/rock, Simon & Garfunkel, George Benson, Cass McCombs, Deer Tick, Boney M, Ezra Furman & The Harpoons, The Replacements, Dirty Projectors and funk/soul is a MUST MUST
6) Must play the guitar well
7) Any other instrument, especially the saxophone is a bonus
8) Must have a rough, sexy edge (preferably reflected in tone of voice)
9) Must fear whatever wrath I have
10) Must retain some dominance to refrain from having the label ‘pussy’ attached to their 5 percent angora jumpers
11) Must enjoy reading, but not because it’s ‘cool’ to read, a love of Plutarch is a bonus.
12) Must not drink tea because it’s ‘cool’ to drink tea, must have a genuine love for tea, especially black, green and chai.
13) Must hate all things Topman, Urban Outfitters and Jack Wills.
14a) Must earn more than me if I’m not earning a lot
14b) Must earn slightly less than me if I’m earning a lot
15) Must be intelligent
16) Must enjoy eating berries and cherries
17) Must wear awesome mis-matched pyjamas
18) Must speak German and French in order to teach me
19) Must have good fashion sense but not be pretentious
20) Must hate The Smiths, The XX, Mumford & Sons *insert every other generic ‘hip’ band here*
21) Must hate every yoof
22) Must hate clubbing
23) Must love gigs
24) Must have seen at LEAST 70 musicians live
25) Must look after their teeth well
26) Must have slightly crooked bottom incisors and a perfect top set
27) Must be able to recite Kanye West’s ‘The College Dropout’ word for word
28) Must live within a 40 mile radius of me
29) Must love 30 Rock, Arrested Development, ONLY Season 1 of Heroes, Seinfeld, Community, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Parks & TRecreation, 90’s Nickelodeon and anything else I waste my time watching.
30) Must live off sarcastic comments and exert an aura of dry wit
31) Must be a gentle sleeper (to compromise for my fidgety ways)
32) Must have an awesome accent
33) Must love grilled aubergines
34) Must have nothing against the use of marijuana and prefer it to alcohol
35) Must love me (obvious one here)
Okay, after reading this through it has struck me that I want to fall in love with a weaker (nicer), sexier, male version of me…
Some science says we look for traits of healthiness as the basic idea for attraction is to mate but that still doesn’t explain homosexuality.
Perhaps what we desire is actually what we wish we could be (I don’t mean gender wise, hello? the beard?).
What I mean is we as humans are SO insecure about everything, even those who shield themselves with a thick layer of sarcasm still want to have some ‘squeezins’. We want someone who represents our ideal image of what a human should be and because our opinions differ so much we may never find this ‘ideal’ person so why do we keep on looking? Perhaps it is because society pushes to ‘better’ ourselves and we continue to try and ‘fail’ (heck, I’ve been running out of the view of cameras for god knows how long).
I don’t really know what it is that makes me want a replica of me (that’s sorta weird too), why don’t you reblog this and add a list of your ideal partner’s qualities and see whether your list’s premise differs from mine?
COOLRUNNINGS - Chorus
Amazing claymation by Rafael Bonilla, probably my favourite music video ever.
I love COOLRUNNINGS too, would totally love to work with them on a song one day… one day.